Statistically, most men are figuring out their direction and identity alone.
And they feel like no one would really check in — or even notice — if they went quiet.
Let's Change That.
A field guide and journal for men in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond— gay, straight, bi, or still figuring it out — built to help you reclaim direction, meaning, and a sense of self that's actually yours, not inherited.
Follow the clues.
Find your North Star.
Design a Life Worth Living.
(Instant Fillable PDF Download)
(Coming Soon - Join the list for the launch)
Most Men Never Get Handed a Map.
If lucky, we're maybe taught how to build a career. Nobody really teaches us how to build a good, meaningful, purposeful, happy life. So we default to the version handed to us — by family, by culture, by whatever room we happened to grow up in — and we call it "fine" because we don't know there's another option.
Here's what the research keeps confirming: most men aren't unknown because people don't care. They're unknown because they've never had a structured way to actually figure out — and say out loud — who they are, what they want, and where they're headed. The old markers of manhood (a steady job, a clear role, a rite of passage) have shifted or disappeared for a whole generation of men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. And even the one marker that used to feel solid — "get a career, and the rest sorts itself out" — is in flux too, as cultural conversations about manhood and masculinity keep shifting and nobody quite knows what AI is about to do to the world of work. Nobody swapped in a replacement.
For a lot of men, especially gay, bi, or questioning men, that gap is even wider. The scripts you inherited may not have had a place for who you actually are. So you improvised. You performed. You got good at looking like you had it together. And somewhere in there, the question of what you actually want got quietly shelved — which is exactly how you end up surrounded by people and still feel like none of them really know you.
You don't need more information.
You need a COMPASS.
That's what this journal is.
The COMPASS Framework:
Your Good Life Positioning System
Think of it as GPS for your life — seven coordinates that, together, locate where you are, where you're pulled, and where to go next. Each one is a guided "quest" inside the journal, with reflection prompts, real research, and space to write.
The 7 coordinates:
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C — Clues & Coordinating Points — the breadcrumbs and patterns you've been ignoring
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O — Origin Story & Heroic Journey — reframing your past as the story that shaped you, not just happened to you
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M — Makes You Come Alive — what actually energizes you, underneath the "shoulds"
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P — Powers & Personal Strengths — the strengths you already have, and use without noticing
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A — Allies, Tribe & Accountability — who's actually in your corner, and how to build that
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S — Sacred Anchors & Core Values — what you refuse to compromise on
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S — Symphony of Self-Care & Service — the balance that keeps a good life sustainable
By the end, you're not just reflecting — you're building a real, personal North Star Statement and a Good Life Project you can act on.
"What the world needs is people who have come alive."
— Howard Thurman
Big Title
Backed by the Science of a Well-Lived Life
This isn't a vision board. Every coordinate in COMPASS is built on research about what actually makes life feel meaningful:
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The headline claims above are real. Multiple 2025–2026 studies on men's well-being (including Equimundo's State of the World's Men research) find that a majority of men feel like no one truly knows what's going on with them — even surrounded by people — and that economic and cultural shifts are quietly eroding men's sense of purpose. Cultural commentary like Scott Galloway's Notes on Being a Man points to the same root cause: the old markers of manhood — a steady job, a clear role, a rite of passage — have shifted or disappeared, and nothing replaced them. Layer in how fast the rules around masculinity are being rewritten, plus the open question of what AI does to work itself, and it's no wonder so many men are quietly navigating direction and identity solo. COMPASS is the replacement — a structured way to do that navigating on purpose, not by accident.
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Purpose science shows people with a clear sense of purpose report greater emotional well-being, more persistence through hard seasons, and even longer life expectancy.
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Character strengths research (the VIA framework) shows that using your natural strengths — rather than fixing your weaknesses — is what drives lasting engagement and fulfillment.
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The science of gratitude shows a single, deeply-delivered gratitude letter can lift mood for weeks — one of the most-replicated findings in positive psychology, and a practice built directly into this journal.
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Ikigai and purpose-mapping research — COMPASS expands the classic three-circle model (what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs) into a fuller seven-point system.
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Connection research, including the well-known "36 Questions" studies on closeness, shapes the Allies & Tribe coordinate — because purpose without people doesn't hold.
I Didn't Write This From a Textbook.
I Wrote It From My Life.
I spent 20 years in Christian higher education, eventually as a VP of Academic Affairs, Dean of the College and President; I became a licensed therapist, completed my Ph.D., and even biked across the United States, doing everything I could to build a life that looked right from the outside.
But inside I was dying. I had professional success, but my personal life was a mess because I couldn't accept my core identity. I fought it for years, but I couldn't deny it any longer - I was gay.
At 39, I made one last attempt to make peace with my identity (to not be gay) - a full year of prayer, fasting, and self-discipline. I even wrote a book about it. I finished that year still gay, but it became the turning point that finally let me tell the truth.
At 46 — unemployed, depressed, spiritually unmoored — I built a one-year project around three intentions: Love in Life, Peace with God, a Job I Like. It didn't fix anything on schedule. It took years. But it's the reason I met my partner of 14 years, found a spiritual identity that actually fits me, and eventually returned to higher education as a full professor.
Every coordinate in this journal is something I've actually lived through — not just studied.
I'm a therapist, a coach, and a professor, and I still use this exact framework on myself every time I feel lost. That's why I built it into a journal — so you can use it too.
What You're Actually Getting
Each of the 7 coordinates is broken into two tracks, so you can go at your own pace:
Base Camp 1 — the critical starting point. Recommended for every reader, no matter how much time you have.
Base Camp 2 — optional. For when you want to go farther and deeper into that coordinate.
Every chapter includes a research callout box, a "Field Notes from My Life" story from my own journey, and space to actually write — because a journal you only read never changes anything.
Format details:
Instant-download fillable PDF that you can type your responses into.
Print edition coming soon on Amazon — join the list below to be first notified
Includes a full well-being self-assessment at the start, and a North Star Statement, a Good Life Project Plan and a 10-Year Good Life Quest at the end.
Questions Before You Start
Q: Is this only for gay or bi men? No. It's written with men in mind — gay, bi, straight, or still figuring it out — but the framework itself is for anyone ready to get intentional about building a meaningful life. My own story is embedded throughout the journal, including aspects of what it was like for me being gay; but the questions and the journey are universal. In my private practice I work with men from all walks of life, including gay, bit and questioning men. As a credentialed coach, I have worked with men, in leadership positions in the US military, Black Rock, Google, Disney, HBO, and others. Whether gay or straight, men have universal needs and desires - and can be equally isolated and bewildered.
Q: What if I'm not a "journaling person"? This isn't a blank diary. Every page has structure, prompts, and research to guide you — you're never staring at a blank page wondering what to write.
Q: PDF or print? The fillable PDF is available right now — instant download. A printed edition is coming soon through Amazon. Join the email list below and you'll be the first to know when it ships.
Q: How long does it take to work through? I typically recommend taking one week per coordinate and sometimes two. You can do it more quickly, but for an in-depth review of your life and story, I'd plan on taking about 10 to 12 weeks at a reasonable pace. It's also great with groups. I think it is best done in community, with at least one person, but preferably two or three.
Your Good Life Isn't Going to Build Itself.
But you've got the clues already.
This journal just helps you make sense of them.
(Instant Fillable PDF Download)
(Coming Soon - Join the list for the launch)
Join the list and I'll email you the moment the printed COMPASS Quest Journal launches on Amazon — plus the occasional note on building your own Good Life Project.