Happiness Starts with Friendship

Dave Stefan
Aug 31
3 min read

Updated: Sep 4

Why your relationships matter more than you think

**Breadcrumb Chronicles: Clues, Tools, and Tales for a Good, Queer Life**

Not long ago, I found myself in a funk. Not a total crash, not a crisis — just that dull in-between where life feels flat. I wasn’t miserable, but I wasn’t energized either. Days blurred together, and the spark that usually drives me felt dimmed. That’s when I turned to the four pillars I use as a dashboard for mental health and well-being:

1. Relationships

2. Transcendence (connection to something bigger than myself)

3. Purpose

4. Authenticity/Story (living in line with who I really am)

I rated myself on a scale of 1–10 in each area.

And right away, one gauge stood out: relationships.

While transcendence and purpose felt steady, and authenticity was holding strong, my connection pillar was hovering around a 5 or 6 out of 10.

Here’s the thing: even pausing to take that inventory gave me a lift.

Research shows that naming where we are and what’s missing brings clarity — and clarity itself can reduce stress. It’s like flipping on a flashlight in a dark cave: suddenly you can see where you’re standing and where to step next.

For me, the next step was obvious. I started reaching out. A couple of texts to friends. A quick coffee meet-up. Planning a low-key evening activity. Nothing monumental, but enough to create moments of connection. Almost immediately, I felt my “relationship score” climb a couple of points.

And the science backs up my experience. The Harvard Study of Adult Development — which has followed people for more than 80 years — consistently finds that the biggest predictor of health and happiness isn’t money, career success, or even exercise. It’s the quality of our relationships. People with stronger social ties live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

On the flip side, loneliness has been linked to higher risks of depression, anxiety, and even physical illnesses like heart disease. Some research suggests that chronic loneliness can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That’s sobering — but it’s also empowering. Because unlike age or genetics, relationships are something we can choose to invest in today. Even small actions — a check-in text, a short walk with a friend, a shared meal — can change the trajectory of our mood and our well-being.

That’s why in my Boost Your Mood series, I began with connection. Because sometimes the path out of a funk isn’t about self-care in isolation. It’s about letting someone else into your world, and stepping into theirs.

Your Breadcrumb Reflection

Rate yourself right now on the four pillars:

Which gauge feels lowest?

For relationships:

Who’s one person you could text today just to say “Thinking of you”?

For any pillar:

What’s one small step that could move your score up a single point this week?

Remember — the act of checking in with yourself is itself a breadcrumb.

Awareness clears the fog.

Action lays the path.

Watch the Full Story

In this week’s video, I share more about why connection is the most important starting place for boosting mood — and how I used my own dashboard to climb out of a funk.