Life Purpose through Life Projects

Dave Stefan
Sep 4
4 min read

Purpose Doesn’t Arrive in Lightning Bolts

Throughout my life, I often thought, and I guess hoped, that purpose was something that came in a single, blinding flash. Some dramatic “aha” moment where everything clicked into place, and I knew exactly what I was supposed to do with my life.

It didn’t happen that way.

For me, purpose has shown up slowly, in unexpected places, and often through deliberate experiments I created for myself.

In this week’s issue of the Breadcrumb Chronicles, I want to share how projects—especially year-long ones—became one of the most powerful tools for finding focus, meaning, and direction in my life.

And I’ll invite you to try the same.

The Early Search

My quest for purpose began early—around age 9 or 10, when I realized I was gay.

Suddenly, life felt serious. That awareness stirred deep questions inside me: Why am I different? What’s the meaning of all this?

I carried those questions quietly through adolescence, outwardly high-functioning but inwardly wrestling. In college, I sought out community and purpose through faith circles. For a while, that gave me direction—but also came with the false hope that faith would make me “less gay.”

That effort stretched into decades. By the time I turned 40, I realized I couldn’t keep avoiding myself. My faith community gave me glimpses of purpose, but not the kind that embraced me as I truly was.

That’s when I turned to projects.

Projects as Purpose

A project gives you something tangible to hold onto. It anchors your focus, turns reflection into action, and transforms vague desires into experiments in living.

Here are some of the projects that shaped my path:

Biking Across America (30s) – With some soccer buddies, I pedaled 3,700 miles from San Francisco to New Jersey. What began as a dream turned into an adventure in perseverance, teamwork, and seeing the world differently.
The Year of No Haircuts or TV (40) – I committed to growing my hair and giving up media so I could finish writing my first book. Secretly, it was also a last-ditch effort to “pray away the gay.” The book got written. I was still gay. The project, ironically, helped me embrace my truth and leave behind a world that could never accept me fully.
12 Months to Live (Early 40s) – I spent a year designing monthly experiments—travel, passions, identity. This project helped me lean into my gay identity and reimagine what my next chapter could be.
Project 46 (Mid-40s) – With three intentions—love, peace with God, and meaningful work—I rebuilt my life. Within a couple of years, each intention found its way into reality.
The Gratitude Visit (50s) – Inspired by positive psychology research, I spent a year writing and reading letters of gratitude to people who shaped my life. Each encounter boosted both our moods for weeks, proving how powerful gratitude can be.

Each of these projects was more than a challenge. They were experiments in purpose, meaning, and authenticity. They helped me test out who I was becoming, step by step, and shaped my direction in life.

Purpose Grows in Action

What I’ve learned: purpose rarely shows up in stillness alone. It grows in motion, in action, in the trying.

Reflection matters, yes—but without action, purpose remains abstract. Projects bridge that gap. They take what matters most to you and make it real in the rhythm of everyday life.

Think of a project as your laboratory for meaning. Instead of asking, What’s my ultimate purpose for the next 80 years? ask:

What would give my next year meaning?
What project could help me lean into my passions, strengths, or identity?
What’s one experiment I can try to see if this path helps me feel more alive?

Your Turn

Here’s a simple way to begin:

Take 10 minutes to reflect: What makes me come alive most? What am I curious about in life?
Write a Life List of at least 25 items (see my article on Lift Lists for more direction here.)
Choose one to three themes or goals from your Life List of 25 items that feels important for this season of your life.
Refine and then frame top items/goals as a project—something you’ll commit to for a set period of time (a month, a season, a year).
Create a few small, concrete steps to bring it alive.

I've written a few articles in the Breadcrumb Chronicles series that get into more detail about each of these steps. Refer to these articles for more help: Find Your Ikigai, Conrad's Quest, and Craft a Life List.

Remember, this isn’t about perfection. It’s about exploration. Your project is an experiment in becoming.

Resources & Next Steps

Join our Good Life Positioning System and Boost Your Mood Group Coaching experience for queer men here: Waitlist

📺 Watch the full YouTube video on Purpose Through Projects

📘 Visit and Download the Project 46 Workbook

📚 Keep an eye out for my upcoming 7-volume book series weaving these projects, my coming-out story, and practical exercises for building a good, queer life.

Breadcrumb Thought for the Week: Purpose doesn’t arrive all at once. It grows through projects, experiments, and the courage to act on what matters most.